Ian's Blog

New Security Levels!!!

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Something to make You Laugh on a Friday!!! New Terrorist Security Levels!!!

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon though,

security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even

“A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in

1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized

from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a

“Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the

Bastards”. They don’t have any other levels.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror

alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are

“Collaborate” and “Surrender.”

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to

“Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat

Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to

“Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher

levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only

threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish  navy

can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out preemptive strikes on all of their

allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”.

Due to continuing defence cutbacks, New Zealand only has one more level of

escalation, which is “Shit, I hope Australia will come and

rescue us”.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries”  to

“She’ll be all right, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain, “Crikey!’,

“I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is

cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final

escalation level.

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